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5 Types of Facebook “Friends” You Need to Unfriend Now

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Even people who love Facebook hate one aspect of the social media mainstay — those “friends” we could do without. You know who we mean — folks whose updates add little to the conversation. More often than not, they stop the conversation dead in its tracks.

You may have “friended” them with the best intentions and hope to keep in touch offline. Still, most of their updates read like nails on a chalkboard.

Why let the problem linger? It’s time to do some pre-pre spring cleaning and “unfriend” the folks who make your Facebook surfing suffer.

Chances are, you have one or more of these five types of friends on your personal page.

1. The Cyber-Bore
These poor souls treat Facebook like a diary, and they have precious little to say. “Waited forever at Starbucks today … who knew kale tasted so badly? … love it when the subway isn’t crowded during rush hour … does anyone know if ‘The Walking Dead’ is good?” Who knows why the Cyber-Bore doesn’t dig a little deeper for comments? That’s not important. Clip them from your friend roster and you’ll be the better for it.

2. The Humble Bragger
These friends have an inflated sense of self and a budding bad poet trapped inside them. That combination can lead to updates that make your teeth hurt. “Wonderful night spent doing yoga near a gurgling stream and then sharing a bottle of wine with old friends … why don’t I read Thoreau under the stars more often? … nothing worse than getting another promotion but being too busy to celebrate … ” You can either let them raise your blood pressure on a daily basis or just unfriend them without a second thought.

3. The Partisan Flamethrower
This friend links to every hyperactive political story on the web, leaning on sources that would make The Onion blush. You may even share this person’s ideological leanings, but after a few updates you’ll wish you didn’t. Their comments section is even nastier, bringing a torrent of anger to your computer screen.

4. The Enigma Wrapped in a Puzzle
Facebook exists to entertain, enlighten and connect people to each other. If you want a mystery, watch an old “Murder, She Wrote” episode. Yet these misguided folks insist on writing cryptic messages that defy your best efforts to untangle. And when you reach out to them for clarification, their answers almost always disappoint.

5. The One-Trick Ponies
This friend’s obsession has become the bane of your existence. It could be his need to post every viral cat video on the web or her addiction to inappropriate jokes she simply must share with the world. No matter the focus, the unrelenting stream of like-minded posts gnaws at your soul.

It only takes a few seconds to ‘unfriend’ someone, but it will make subsequent surfing sessions so much better.

Photo credit: Mike Towber via Flickr

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