JackPerez
Joined: May 26, 2008
Total Posts: 3
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Hello all,
I have a problem with a neighbor. He is constantly yelling and screaming at his kids in broad daylight. As I write this he is yelling at his son calling him all sorts of names because he could not lift a piece of lumber for a wall they are building. This is not the only time either, he is very aggressive and violent and i think one of these days he will snap. Its not only hard to not pay attention as he is yelling at the top of his voice but the words he says really travel and who knows what kids will listen to. Any clues on how i should deal with it. I have let too much time pass thinking it was just a on time thing but seems to be happening on a more daily basis. Thanks for any advice.
~Jack
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Jack,
I think the first thing to do, especially with a guy like this, is to become acquainted with him on a positive note before going negative. It sounds to me like you don't really know him (though maybe you do). So that's the first step I would take, choosing a time when he's not being all huffy (if there is such a time) and he's in a good mood because he's out in the yard killing things with chemicals or what have you. Go over and say "you sure do a good job of killing ants, I wish I was such an efficient #@!$" (well not really that, but you get the point, chew the fat and smile). You might even offer him a beer, or if that's part of his problem, a non-caffeinated beverage but nothing too "fancy" like soy milk! Try lemonade garnished with frontal lobotomy . . . I mean with a frosted glass.
Ideally, after some neighborly acquaintanceship, your words may mean more to him. Also make sure you listen to him and make eye contact whenever you speak with him. Guys like this sometimes feel very small in the world (like Willy Loman) and sometimes feel unlistened to, picked upon, and ultimately unloved. Child psychology often works well with adults, especially with childish adults. The more he respects you and your opinions, the better chance you will have that he will listen when you apply critiques.
Obviously you're going to need to do more beyond this, but I think it's a good starting point. Keep us posted on new developments, and as this thread weaves its way, I'm sure others and maybe I will have continued advice.
Peace,
Michael
Edit: P.S. I always think of the most relevant things when I'm either shaving or in the shower! Whenever you decide to broach the issue at hand, make sure you tell him how the noise etc. makes YOU feel instead of assuming a superior moral posture and telling him what a bad person he is and how he's such a bad example for kids in the 'hood and so on. Say something he can maybe directly relate to such as "my boss hollers at me at work all day and then I come home and I feel agitated when I hear so much screaming, I need to relax or I get grumpy and start screaming myself".
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You mentioned this person seemed very violent, and if you ever see him use any violence toward his son I would urge you to call the local chapter of Child Protective Services. Yelling at a kid constantly is abusive enough, but when he crosses the line to actually grabbing the child painfully or striking him, you need to get the law involved.
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JackPerez
Joined: May 26, 2008
Total Posts: 3
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Lucky for us that has not happen yet, but seems only likely unfortunately. But yes our neighborhood watch has talked about this and are about to just call social services to look into the matter. We will video tape the events as evidence. I have heard from previous people that have talk to him about it that we are just overreacting so just showing him how he acts may chance his mind.
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