How People Burn Bridges in a Career & How to Avoid It
One way bridges are burned is when an employee is let go by a company and subsequently lets it be known, usually in no uncertain terms, how he felt about it. This usually takes the form of an argument with or very harsh letter or email to his former employer. While this reaction is understandable, it can have serious repercussions in the future when the former employee needs to get a recommendation from his former boss, who is now usually not inclined to say anything positive.
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Bridge Burning Techniques
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Burning your bridges behind you can take a number of inflammatory guises. Some employees are reacting to being fired, while others act on their own initiative because of disillusionment with their employer. Spreading gossip about employers or co-workers, confronting people in an aggressive or unproductive way, and even crossing the line into criminal activity through vandalism, sabotage or assault are all methods of bridge burning, some of which could lead to a criminal record as well as the absence of a job.
The Psychology of Bridge Burning
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People who are exploited in their workplace, or who are terminated in ways or for reasons that they see as unjust, usually feel humiliated. Humiliation is a very powerful emotion, and it causes people to seek vengeance in order to restore their self-esteem. Violent or confrontational actions generally don't succeed in doing this, but just make matters worse by making relationships even more tense. Despite the poor record of vengeful techniques in making things better, it is sometimes the only out that people can see from the feeling of humiliation that they are experiencing.
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Stepping Back
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Being able to step back from a potentially explosive situation, intellectually, emotionally and physically, is a very valuable skill. Many things that are said in the heat of the moment would never be said the next day. Employees who are terminated or humiliated can do themselves a favor by simply walking away temporarily. If you feel too angry to cope productively, simply inform the offending person, in as few words as possible, that you'll get back to them. Walk away. Leave the office. Turn off your computer. Sit in a field for a few days until you've cooled off and can see the situation more objectively.
The Benefits of Un-Burned Bridges
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Situations that feel humiliating in the short term may turn out to be productive in the long term. Despite how you may be feeling, employers rarely fire people in order to humiliate them. If you treat people with respect, even when you're angry at them, this respect will usually be returned to you if you need to contact them in the future with a request for company information or a reference for another job. You don't need to be deferential or debase yourself; just refrain from being insulting and confrontational, and you may be happy that you did in the future. Another benefit may be that former managers and co-workers could move to another company with positions open and think of you if your relationship with them has remained positive.
Techniques to Avoid Bridge Burning
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If you are consumed with anger at someone at work, be it a boss or a co-worker, get away from them and talk to someone whom you like and respect. If you have a friend who is known for being calm and reasonable, this is probably the person you want to be speaking with. She will probably dissuade you from shooting off a destructive email or phone call that could capsize future employment prospects. Spend some time with her. Have some fun. Forget about your problems for a while. Don't worry, they'll still be there when you get back.
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References
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