Jewish Social Etiquette

Torah, or Jewish prayer scrolls

The Jewish religion has many religious and cultural traditions. Many of the traditions involve life cycle events such as birth, baby namings or brit m'ilah, b'nai mitzvot, weddings and funerals. If you are called or invited to participate in or attend such an event, you will want to be aware of rituals and proper etiquette involved in the event.

Baby Showers and Gifts Before Birth

Be aware of the family's religious traditions during pregnancy. Holding a shower, buying gifts before birth or preparing a nursery during pregnancy may or may not be acceptable, depending on religious beliefs. Reformed and more contemporary Jews may hold baby showers and decorate nurseries. Ashkenazi (Eastern European) Orthodox tradition does not approve of buying any items or even mentioning a child's name before birth. Rabbi Rami Shapiro of the Reconstructionist Congregation Beth Or in Miami says, "Many Jews buy items and have the store ship them after the birth."

Participation in Rituals

Celebrate a child's entrance into the Jewish community with the family. The Jewish tradition calls for several after-birth traditions. Jewish boys are circumcized in a ritual eight days after birth. First-born boys are "sold" to the family by a Kohan or a rabbi. Guests celebrate the boy's circumcision in a ceremony known as a Bris or Brit Milah. Ashkenazi babies are given a Hebrew name for a deceased relative. Female babies are named in a Jewish naming ceremony often held in a temple. Participation in either ceremony is a happy occasion for the family and community.

B'nai Mitzvot

Join a family in celebration of a child's bar or bat mitzvah. When a Jewish boy turns 13 or a Jewish girl turns 12, he or she may be called to lead the congregation's service and read from the Torah. The occasion marks the age at which young adults accept responsibility for actions. Guests at B'nai Mitzvah rituals should follow proper decorum for any religious service, including appropriate dress, turning off cell phones or other devices, and refraining from conversation during the service. Gifts should be given at the reception and not during the service. Many guests give checks in a multiple of 18, which signifies "life" in Hebrew.

Jewish Weddings

Honor Jewish tradition at a wedding. Ritual is an important aspect of the Jewish wedding, from the wearing of kippot or yarmulke head coverings by men to the chuppah, a canopy-like structure representing the couple's new home to the breaking of the wine glass by the groom at the end of the ceremony. Guests at Orthodox or traditional weddings may be directed by the invitation to dress with modesty. Women should avoid low-cut or short dresses and refrain from showing too much skin. Women and men will be seated separately during the ceremony and at the reception. Guests should adhere to this tradition.

Funerals and Death Rituals

Memorialize the deceased and comfort the bereaved family. Jewish tradition values the community involvement in helping the grieving family. Following the funeral, guests are directed to visit with the family at the home for shiva, or mourning. Guests should bring nonperishable foods such as cookies, dried fruit, nuts, or may send a gift basket. Mirrors in the mourners' home will be draped or covered with cloth. Families will sit shiva, requiring a minyan, or group of 13 adults to pray for the deceased. Shiva traditionally lasts eight nights.

References

• Jewish Federations: Jewish Life Cycle/Rituals
• Judaism 101: Birth and the First Months of Life
• Beliefnet: Religion Etiquette
• Mazor Guide: Jewish Wedding Proper Etiquette...