Disrespectful Behavior in Children

Disrespectful behavior from a child can feel like an attack to parents.

Disrespectful behavior in children can become a huge sticking point between parents and their kids. Parents often feel their authority is attacked and decide to challenge the behavior or wonder where to draw the line. Children learn primarily from those around them and can benefit from parents and caregivers honoring their dignity through modeling respect while having discussions about feelings, rebellion and responsibility.

Dignity

A child who has a sense of dignity is likely to be respectful.

Children who know their inherent worth can relate to others with the same preservation of dignity. Helping a child to feel loved, worthy and valued leads to a sense of mutual respect that will be returned from the child to the caregiver. It can be helpful to talk to a child about the importance of respecting people simply because they are alive, instead of solely because they are in a position of authority.

Modeling

Children learn respect from those around them.

Children learn what they live. If a child is around adults who demean each other or the child, the child learns disrespect from those who are constantly teaching her. Parents and caregivers who want to be respected benefit from looking at the ways they potentially disrespect others. Conscious change on the part of the parent or caregiver to use respectful language and actions allows the child to experience true respect, which he will carry into his life experiences. Apologizing and starting over when a parent has noticed she is not being respectful of her child also sets an example of respect.

Feelings

The child's feelings do not indicate disrespect.

Some behavior that may be perceived as disrespect may simply be a child expressing his feelings. When a parent sets a limit or life isn’t going the way a child would like, he may express his frustration in a way the parent feels is disrespectful. Parents can benefit from allowing their children expression of feelings while drawing a line of where disrespect begins. Some parents may feel any expression of negative emotion is disrespectful, but children need to be able to feel their feelings. When a child’s behavior crosses over into an actual attack on the parent, a discussion may be warranted. At a time when the child is calm, the parent can discuss the difference between feelings and attacking while letting the child know what is acceptable within the family.

Rebellion

Rebellion doesn't have to mean a fight.

The role of the child is to test limits and become an individual. Rebellion can often be mistaken for disrespectful behavior in children. Healthy expression of rebellion can be done in a way that does not attack a person. Modeling and allowing a child to express his ideas and feelings can help her define herself as a person, as well as allow the parent to learn from the child. Healthy family interaction encourages each member to share his opinions in a respectful manner.

Responsibility

Children can learn about the responsibilities of their behavior.

Teaching a child responsibility for her actions helps her to see the correlation between choices and results. When disrespectful behavior attacks a person’s dignity, the child may benefit from understanding her responsibility to family unity through respecting one another’s worth. Having a discussion about how it feels to be attacked and how it feels to express feelings while not attacking gives the child an opportunity to make connections about her behavior so she can make a respectful choice.

References

• Disrespectful Behavior
• Disrespectful Child Behavior: Where Do You Draw the Line?
• Teaching Children Respect

Resources

• The 9 Myths to Effective Discipline