Dating and Compatibility
If you are wending your way through the minefield of dating, you know all too well that these events don't always go well. A date is a gamble that can lead to a memorable evening and even a long-term relationship or to an experience that is best not remembered. Some people hit it off immediately, others get started on the wrong foot, and others are simply not compatible and should never have gone on a date in the first place.
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Annoying Traits
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Anyone who has been married for any length of time has learned to put up with her partner's annoying traits. Everyone has them, and in the context of a committed relationship, they are usually not a big deal. The same can't be said for a first date. When you first meet someone, all you have to go on is superficial first impressions, and if these are negative, they may affect your view of the entire person. Things such as lack of eye contact, a barking laugh or a tendency to talk too much or too little can make a big impact.
Similar Interests
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Similar interests are a major factor in initial compatibility. People don't generally get to know each other by delving into personal issues or deep philosophy; this would be considered rude by many. Instead, people ask about activities and interests. If the interests of two people who are just getting to know each other are radically different, this can get in the way of them becoming close. Two people who are passionate about soccer, stamp collecting or James Joyce will have a great conversation, even if inside they are very different people.
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Physical Attraction
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The fact is that dating is as much about bodies as about minds. There needs to be at least a hint of physical attraction. If there isn't, two people can have fun together, but it isn't really a date. Chances of things going well are increased if both participants make some attempt to look their best when going on a date.
Compatible Goals
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Beyond the first date, in the gray area between “dating” and “in a relationship,” more serious and long-term issues begin to come into play. A major one is what people's goals in life are. If they are different, that isn't necessarily a problem, but they need to be compatible. For example, if one person is committed to traveling the world, and the other is devoted to farming and raising animals, the long term prospects don't look good. However, if the farmer meets a writer, while these are very different pursuits, they are quite compatible.
Deal Breakers
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Certain things are deal breakers for certain people, even if everything else is fine. A few examples are smoking, drug use and religious beliefs. Total lack of physical attraction is a deal breaker for some people. Everyone has private things that he just can't live with and sometimes don't even know what those things are until he discovers them in a potential partner.
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References
- Photo Credit Young pair dating and kissings at town street image by fotosergio from Fotolia.com
