Etiquette for a Birthday Tea Party for Girls

Tea parties have a feminine flair.

Have a fun and feminine birthday tea party for your little girl. She'll swan around in her dressiest finery and gather her friends at the table. Not only will you have a memorable celebration with plenty of photo opportunities, but the occasion will also offer you a terrific opening to show your diminutive guests some classic party manners. Since the setting and decor are fancy, the occasion lends itself to a delicacy of behavior; your guest of honor can set the tone by comporting herself as a little lady as well.

Taking a Seat

The table setting is fancy, meaning that the manners should be refined.

When guests have arrived, instruct them to go to the dining room and wait by their seats. The children should walk quietly to stand behind a chair. Place cards are a helpful guide to avoid arguments. When the children are in place, your birthday girl should enter as hostess and draw her chair out, sweep the tail of the tablecloth out of the seat, and sit in her chair. The other guests follow suit. With bottoms in chairs and feet on the floor, the children place napkins in their laps to protect their nice clothing from spills.

Handling China

Fine china requires careful handling.

The girls at your daughter's party may not be familiar with china teacups and silver spoons. Before tea is served, practice holding the teacup by the handle with one hand. Extend the pinky finger to balance the weight of the cup, lift the cup and sip. Place the cup gently on the saucer. Pantomime adding one or two sugar cubes to the cup and stirring back and forth carefully without making noise. Have the children tap their spoons against the saucers to demonstrate the disturbing racket it makes and explain that manners are a way of being considerate of others and their comfort. Show them how to place their spoons silently on their saucers and practice holding the cup again and sipping. They are not to slurp tea out of their spoons, clatter and slosh when stirring, or put a used, wet spoon on your tablecloth for the sake of neatness.

Accepting and Declining

Polite guests take one or two sweets only.

You or your daughter (if she has experience and a steady hand) will pour the tea in the cups, carrying the tea pot from seat to seat. You will then offer sugar and cream. Your guests will answer "Yes, please" in the affirmative or "No, thank you/I do not care for any" to decline. When her server has provided her with the desired condiments, the guest may stir her tea quietly and place the spoon on her saucer. When cookies or petit fours are passed around (to the hostess' left), each child may take one or two. The purpose is for each guest to have the opportunity of sampling a selection of delicacies. Gluttonous little ladies might take all of the strawberry tea cakes, for example, leaving the guests at the hostess' right (last to be served) with only the less desirable dainties to choose from. Assure them that they will be offered seconds after everyone has eaten, but that they are to take only one or two items to begin.

Eating

The cookie is nibbled, not dunked in the tea cup.

After everyone has been served, the hostess takes the first sip and her guests may begin to enjoy their tea and sweets. Tea is sipped, not gulped; inform your guests of this ahead of time, as many of them may not be familiar with drinking tea. A cookie or cake is held between the thumb and forefinger and nibbled a bite at a time; the item should be placed back onto the dessert plate after each bite. Dunking is messy, unrefined and leaves chunks of wet cookie in one's teacup. When finished with all of one's cookies, cakes, or tea, the guest should make eye contact with her hostess (if she serves) or the birthday girl's mother and nod politely toward her cup for a refill. When the server arrives at her seat, she should ask, "May I have more tea/another delicious cookie or cake?" and wait for it to be offered rather than reaching for it herself. Whispering to one's neighbors is part of the fun, as long as one's mouth is not full. Remind the girls that their friends want to talk to them, not see their food being chewed.

Being Excused

A folded napkin placed beside stacked dishes indicates that the guest is finished.

While adults may talk quietly and wait for their companions to be finished with their repast, it may be a bit tiresome for children, especially those good sports who have just shown such a brave attempt at manners as your young guests. When they are finished eating and drinking, guests have only to place the folded napkin to the side of their dishes and stack the cup and saucer on top of the dessert plate to signal the hostess. She may then ask, "May I be excused?" and, after gaining that assent, push back her chair carefully, exit the seat and push the chair back in. It is appropriate at this time for her to thank the birthday girl for such a lovely tea before going off to play.

References

• Tea Party Girl: Planning a Children's Tea Party
• Old Fashioned Living: Tea Party Tips and Etiquette