Siblings Dealing With a New Adopted Child
Adding a new sibling to the family always requires some adjustment, and that is no less true if the new child in your life is adopted. The process can be exciting, but along with that excitement comes a new set of needs, new responsibilities, and a new family dynamic. Despite the challenges that often arise, there are things you can do to help ease your child's transition into life with an adopted sibling.
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Encourage Realistic Expectations
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Chances are the prospect of having a new sibling is exciting to your child. It is important, however, to give him a realistic view of what to expect. Stress that while having a new sister or brother is a wonderful thing, it will change things for him and for your family. Explain that you will need to spend time and give attention to his new sibling as well as to him. If you are adopting a child with special needs, be sure to explain those needs to your child ahead of time. Helping him to have realistic expectations about the new arrival will greatly aid the adjustment process.
Expect Adjustment Difficulties
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Your child's adjustment to your new addition will likely be difficult, at least in the beginning. She may be resentful of the time you must spend on the new child, or, if you adopt an older child, she may have trouble getting along with her new sibling. In most cases, these things are temporary and lessen over time. Meanwhile, make it a priority to spend some one-on-one time together. Be open to her thoughts and feelings about the adoption, positive or negative. Maintain that although things have changed, she is still an important part of your family.
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Allow the Sibling Relationship to Develop Naturally
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Although it may be tempting to "help" your children along in developing a relationship, try to step back and allow the bond to develop naturally. While it is certainly a good idea to facilitate activities that will give the opportunity for interaction and play, it should never be forced. Most natural sibling relationships develop slowly, changing and deepening over the years. The same is true of adoptive siblings. Your children should be given the opportunity to develop their relationship on their own terms.
Help Your Child Prepare Answers to Common Questions
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Your child may be asked why an adoptive sibling doesn't look like him, why your family adopted, what adoption means or another common question. Go over some of these potential inquiries with your child and help him prepare answers that are simple and concise. Having ready answers will keep him from feeling blindsided or put on the spot when someone asks about his new sibling. It may also give you an opportunity to answer some of his questions along the way.
Read a Book about Adoption Together
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There are several excellent books that are specifically written for children about to receive an adoptive sibling. "Seeds of Love" by Mary Ebejer Petertyl tells the story of a young child waiting for her parents to return home from completing an international adoption. "Things Little Kids Need to Know" by Susan Uhlig features a little boy imagining all the knowledge he will impart to his new adoptive sister. Both can serve as valuable resources to open the dialogue with your child about the adoption, and give her a sense of camaraderie and reassurance that she is not alone in her experience.
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