Anxiety in Expectant Fathers
While our society is paying more attention to the emotional needs of expectant fathers, the reality is that when pregnancy occurs, the focus is still largely on the mother. "People tend to forget that new dads also have valid feelings, hopes, concerns and fears about pregnancy, childbirth and their new babies," writes Lin Buress, author of the website Telling It Like It Is. By addressing the wide range of emotions and concerns that men feel and have when they discover they are about to become fathers, they can lower their anxiety levels to better support their partner and enjoy the pregnancy.
Other People Are Reading
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Security/Protection
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Many men worry that they won't be able to protect their child and the mother of their child from danger. They begin to think of all the threatening aspects of daily life. This comprehensive look can quickly overwhelm anyone.
Being Replaced
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When baby makes three, it's no longer just the two of you. To say that a baby requires mom's full attention is an understatement. While men logically realize this truth, many still feel left out of the relationship with their child and the child's mother as the constant grind of feedings and diapering fill the schedule. "It's a very real fear of being replaced," according to Jerrold Lee Shapiro, a San Francisco Bay area clincical psychologist and author of the book "Becoming A Father."
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His Own Mortality
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The realization that someday they will die doesn't hit many men until they realize they are no longer the youngest generation. For some men, the knowledge that they now are becoming a father makes them picture themselves as their father. This can be the first time some men have thought about what their life's legacy will be. Coming to terms with the idea that death is inescapable creates anxiety, especially when coupled with the idea that your death leaves others behind.
Paternity
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According to Shapiro, most men don't believe their partner has had an affair. Yet, they still are stunned by the idea that they could actually create a new life and then often take what might seem like the next logical step--questioning if they actually are the biological father of the new life. According to Shapiro's article on the Baby Center website, one client told him, "it's too monumental, too godlike."
Labor Room Performance
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From a cleanliness perspective, the process of giving birth is just downright messy. There's an awful lot of bodily fluids--especially blood--coming from an area of the new mom's body that formerly was the new dad's play area. Now, his woman--the new mom--is a biological experience, not a sensual one. Combine this with all the medical gadgets, doctors coming in and out and the mother screaming, and it's easy to see why many men worry that they won't hold up under all the pressure.
Women's Health Care
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Just one look at stirrups in their medical position is enough to give most men a chill. Shapiro readily admits that for men, obstetrics and gynecology is "something we don't understand well." The realm of women's health care is a place a lot of men just don't feel very comfortable. Being out of one's own element easily triggers anxiety. By accompanying the mom-to-be to doctor's appointments and asking questions, men become more informed and familiar. Knowledge eases anxiety.
Mom and Baby's Health
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Will my wife be okay after childbirth? How much pain will she be in? Will the baby be okay? These three questions are just the tip of iceberg when it comes to the questions pending dads are asking. According to Buress, "Men who are about to become dads often express concern about their partner's and the baby's health." Bottom line: these worries are normal.
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References
- Photo Credit man touching newborn baby"s nose image by Diane Stamatelatos from Fotolia.com
