Marriage & Anxiety

California psychologist Dr. Michelle Gannon has found that 10 percent of American couples struggle with sadness or frustration after tying the knot.

Fear of getting married is a common phenomenon. Elliott Robins, a family expert and assistant dean at Union Institute & University, maintains that some degree of dependence is a central feature of marriage. People who value independence are bound to see marriage as threatening. High divorce rates also can be discouraging. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that in 2001, 34.8 percent of first marriages ended before their 15th anniversary.

Fear of Marriage

According to researchers at The National Marriage Project, more than 50 percent of American couples live together before marriage. These couples have already experienced the costs and benefits of sharing life with another person. But getting married still can be a major life-changing event. Relationship expert and author Morgan Delaney says fear of marriage occurs when we unconsciously associate even a small loss of independence negatively. On entering a marriage, you are morally obligated to stay monogamous, you cannot leave the other person easily if you want and you are no longer financially independent.

Fear of Not Getting Married

The U.S. Census Bureau's population survey from 2008 says that 57 million out of the 93 million single American adults have been single all of their lives. That is, about 75 percent of the American population older than 18 have been married at some point. Marriage is the norm rather than the exception. Because of this, there is societal pressure to get married, suggests Caryl Rivers, a professor of journalism and gender-issues expert at Boston University. Rivers says reaching mid-life without finding someone who we are willing to commit to for the rest of our lives and who is willing to commit to us, can cause worry, social withdrawal and obsession with love.

Media Impact

Rivers suggests that popular media fuel women's anxieties about not getting married. Popular media often feature news stories that report that men don't marry achieving women; that there is no chance of marriage after 40; and that career women have bad sex lives. However, these claims lack scientific support, Rivers says, citing reports from sociologist Valerie Oppenheimer from the University of California at Berkeley and psychologist Janet Hyde from the University of Wisconsin.

Anxiety and Depression after Marriage

According to California psychologist Michelle Gannon, those who marry without thinking through all of the consequences can be in for a surprise. Gannon has found that 10 percent of American couples struggle with severe remorse, sadness or frustration after tying the knot. To avoid getting the post-nuptial blues, she recommends that people undergo a marital prep course prior to marriage.

Children

The birth of a child is one of the greatest sources of anxiety in marriage, reports professor of psychology Jay Belsky of London's Birkbeck University. Children can promote marital stability but they also affect the amount and quality of communication between spouses, he says. Belsky suggests that we naturally associate bad communication with a low-quality marriage, leading to anxiety over the loss of good marital interaction and worry about the marriage's future.

References

• "The National Marriage Project": Should We Live Together?
• U.S. Census Bureau": Current Population Survey (CPS), 2008
• "Women's Voices for Change": Selling Anxiety
• "Times Online": Bride and gloom: the rise of post-nuptial depression
• "The Psychology of Marriage"; Frank D. Fincham and Thomas N. Bradbury, eds.; 1990

Resources

• "Article.net": Commitment Phobic Males Their Story