How Adoption Affects Kids
As no two children are exactly alike, neither are any two adoption stories. Issues confronting a family and adopted child vary with the type of adoption (open or closed, international or domestic), the age at which an adopted child is adopted or is told his or her adoption story, and the family's attitude toward the adoption process. Every family deals with the issue within the parameters of that family's values, and every child deals with their adoption based on their experience of love and acceptance within the family and the world in general.
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Open and Closed Adoption Definitions
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Open adoptions are those in which the identity of the birth parents is known to both the adopted child and the adopted family. According to FamilyEducation.com, "In an open adoption, the adoption arranger often creates a contract that spells out what is expected of each side; for example, how often photographs and letters will be exchanged, and how they will be exchanged (either directly or through the adoption arranger)"
There are consequences for breaking the rules of the agreement and the terms of contact can be revisited at any time if they seem to have a detrimental impact on the child or family. In a closed adoption, birth parents' identity remains a secret to the adopted child and the adoptive family. This type of adoption is done through an agency or a lawyer who mediates between all concerned parties in order to preserve the anonymity of the birth parents.
Pros and Cons
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Both types of adoption have pros and cons for the parties concerned. In terms of an adopted child's ability to process their adoption story an open adoption can offer them a chance to see where they came from and hear the reasons why they were put up for adoption. On the other hand, it can be confusing to see another set of parents and can make integration into an adopted family more tenuous. Conversely, closed adoptions offer no such confusion about the family of which a child is a part, but closed adoptions can also leave a child with many questions about their origins, why they were given up, and medical history for example.
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Domestic and International Adoptions
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Many U.S. adoptions take place with children who have been removed from the homes of their birth parents and placed in the foster care system. Such children are usually older, and their ability to adjust to an adoptive home will depend in large measure on the types of experiences that lead them to foster care and the experiences they had while already in the system.
There are many countries outside the U.S. where disease and poverty have forced birth parents to surrender children or children have been orphaned in large numbers. Children adopted internationally are often curious about their country of origin. It is important to talk with them about their birth country in addition to issues surrounding the adoption process in general.
Siblings and Adoption
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It is not only the adopted child that has to make an adjustment to a new home and life. If a family already has children, those siblings need to be considered when adopting another child. Questions and, sometimes, tensions may arise about adoption versus having a biological child especially if both kinds of children are present in the household.
When to Tell Kids About Adoption
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Each family deals with an adoption narrative in their own time. However, most literature on the subject suggests that telling a child earlier rather than later mitigates the potentially unsettling effects of the news. According to HealthyChildren.org "During their preschool years, children begin asking questions like 'Where do babies come from?' That is a good time to begin introducing information about their special backgrounds."
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