How Are People Psychologically Manipulated to Stay in an Abusive Relationship?

Many people, upon hearing the phrase abusive relationship, formulate an idea of physical abuse between partners. However, multiple types of abuse exist, and they may not necessarily involve a dating relationship. "Psychology Today" notes several types of abusive relationships. Social abuse, such as a boss manipulating employees; emotional abuse; physical abuse; and financial abuse all have psychological undertones that keep the abuse victim from leaving.

Initial Abuse Behavior

Abusive behavior may not initially be easy to spot, as many abusers are adept at hiding their nature. Many abusers are insecure and feel they need to have some kind of control over someone else in order to feel some kind of value. In turn, abuse victims may be equally insecure. Kids Health points out that abusive behaviors may be interpreted as genuine love and caring behaviors. People who are overly jealous may be seen as a sign of love and devotion to a partner or friend. Many victims of physical abuse convince themselves, or are convinced by the abuser, that the anger displayed is a sign that the abuser cares so much that she is willing to go to such extreme lengths as physical assault.

Isolation and Threats

The psychology of abuse works more effectively when victims of abuse are isolated from their family and friends. Because of this, many abusers work hard to remove the victim from those they care about as another means of control. The abuser may tell the victim that his loved ones can’t understand their relationship or are jealous and will, therefore, attempt to wreck the relationship. The victim is then convinced that the abuser is the only one who understands and begins isolating himself from family and friends. In addition, the abuser may begin to use threats to keep the victim from leaving. These threats include self-harm or harm against the victim or loved ones of the victim should the victim attempt to leave.

Humiliation and Lying

Abusers manipulate victims by luring them into a false sense of security. On top of this, many times an abuser will use humiliation tactics to keep victims from feeling that they can leave. This can include taunting the victim by saying she is weak if she can’t handle the relationship or repeatedly demeaning the victim under the guise of love. Abusers also manipulate the truth in order to place blame on the victims, making them feel as though they are to blame for the behavior exhibited.

Superiority and Control

Since abusers often abuse as a means of control, they will use controlling psychological tactics to keep victims in place. In the case of financial abuse, an abuser makes the victim feel as though he can’t survive in the world financially without the abuser. The abuser withholds money and material items from the abuse victim, such as disallowing a spouse to take a job and insisting upon being in control of monetary expenses.

Repeating Cycles

"Psychology Today" points to the idea of memory mapping as a kind of psychological justification for abuse. Many abuse victims may feel that this kind of behavior is normal and become trapped in abuse cycles. They may have grown up with abusive parents or family members who instilled the notion that they do not deserve anything better out of relationships. Because of this, the abuse victim may not see anything wrong with the behavior and psychological games the abuser plays.

References

• "Psychology Today": Understanding the Dynamics of Abusive Relationships
• Teens Health: Abusive Relationships
• Medical University of South Carolina: Abuse in Intimate Relationships-Defining the Multiple Dimensions and Terms
• Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence: Statistics
• Sexual Assault and Relationship Abuse Prevention and Support at Stanford: Controlling and Abusive Relationships