Chinese Grieving Etiquette

Grieving is practiced by many cultures, although each culture's etiquette is different.

Grieving the death of a loved one is a natural response shared by all humans. However, the etiquette that involves the grieving process differs among various cultural groups. Although the Chinese share many of the same burial process that westerners do, the grieving process and treatment of the dead is significantly different.

Mourning

It is customary for the Chinese to practice a period of mourning for 100 days after the funeral of an adult male. According to the China Culture website--a piece of colored cloth is worn visibly on the sleeve of every family member. The children of the dead wear black, grandchildren wear blue, and if there are any great-grandchildren, they wear green.

Significance

Each family member holds a different level of importance. Elders are given the highest amount of respect whereas children are given almost no respect at all. When an elder dies, he is given the proper funeral rites practiced in the Chinese culture, which includes a gathering of the family, covering up mirrors so that no bad luck--such as another death--occurs, and a viewing of the body.

The Chinese believe that an elder should always be respected, and that elders do not have to show any respect to children. Therefore, if a child dies, their death and burial occurs in silence, and the funeral rites received by an elder are not received by a child.

Beliefs

According to the Encyclopedia of Death and Dying, if a Chinese person dies, it is customary for women to prepare the body instead of the men because they believe in the risk of pollution. This means that the woman is sacrificing her health in place of a man's health.

If for any reason a person meets an unexpected and bad ending--such as an accident--the family of the deceased refuses to touch the body. This is especially the case if a suicide occurs because it is believed that touching the body will bring the family bad luck.

Customs

The grieving etiquette of the Chinese differs from many other cultures. Although the Chinese do follow much of the same traditions as Western burials, there are still significant differences. Cremation is not commonly practiced. During the funeral and grieving process, the family will burn certain goods so that the smoke of the burned items carries these goods up to their loved ones for use in the afterlife.

Tip

If you are extended an invitation to a funeral that will be practiced by another culture, such as the Chinese, it is best to learn the funeral and grieving etiquette that follows before attending. Even the smallest misunderstanding can prove to be disrespectful toward the family of the deceased.

References

• ChinaCulture.org: Chinese Funeral Customs
• Encyclopedia of Death and Dying: Grief and Mourning in Cross Cultural Perspective