Why Is Premarital Counseling Important?

Premarital counseling ensures that couples discuss key issues prior to marriage.

Couples who get married commit to each other and hope their marriage will last forever. They can get so caught up in the idea of getting married, however, that they may not take the time to discuss their core values and beliefs about marriage and what it means to them. Premarital counseling offers an opportunity for couples to talk about their beliefs and significant issues with a trained practitioner facilitating these discussions prior to getting married.

Definition

Research indicates premarital counseling reduces divorce.

Premarital counseling is designed to help couples identify and discuss potential areas of conflict and views on issues such as religion, children, money and sex. Communication and conflict-resolution skills are also explored. The National Directory of Marriage and Family Counseling reports that "premarital counseling reduced the rate of divorce by up to 30 percent."

Philosophy

Couples learn problem-solving techniques in premarital counseling.

The philosophy behind counseling before marriage is to give couples an opportunity to discuss values to gain a greater understanding of their partners' beliefs. It also identifies potential areas of disagreement: These differences are carefully explored with a facilitator. Psychologist Jay Lebow says that these sessions "teach self-awareness and empathy coupled with conflict resolution skills. Couples are told what to expect in marriage and use role-playing to communicate effectively while avoiding destructive tactics like name-calling and withdrawal."

Indications

People who frequently argue before marriage should consider seeking premarital counseling.

A couple should participate in premarriage counseling if they're having ongoing, unresolved fights about significant issues before the marriage. California legally requires couples under the age of 18 to undergo premarital counseling; Oklahoma and other states are also considering this legislation. Premarital counseling is also recommended for couples who have had repeated marriages that were unsuccessful to gain insight about the causes for these failures. The Catholic Church requires couples to undergo Pre-Cana counseling sessions prior to marriage.

Facilitators

Religious leaders frequently offer premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling sessions can be facilitated by a variety of practitioners. Sandra Boodman, a "Washington Post" reporter, observes, "Most people who attend premarital counseling take a religiously themed course, such as the Pre-Cana classes usually required for marriage in the Roman Catholic Church; a growing number are flocking to secular therapists for short-term counseling before their wedding."

Considerations

Premarital counseling helps prepare couples for the differences that erupt during their marriage.

Nobody can say with any certainty what makes marriages last or fail. Sometimes during the course of a marriage, individual goals and desires change, which can create conflict. It's important to be prepared with the skills needed to cope with the inevitable conflicts that occur during the course of a marriage. Taking this time before marriage to seek counseling can help improve the chances of couples staying together in the future. Counseling before marriage lays a foundation and offers the necessary tools to tackle these challenges, helping a couple feel more prepared to face them.

References

• National Directory of Marriage and Family Counseling: Premarital Counseling
• "Washington Post": "Rules of Engagement"; Sandra G. Boodman; 2006