Child Custody Sharing and the Impact on the Child
When parents divorce, there's a fundamental shift in all aspects of their children's lives. Family life is no longer the routine it was. Shared custody is given with the children's best interests in mind---with an involved mother and father. If, however, the divorced parents aren't capable of continuing to communicate their individual parenting ideas with one another, it can negatively impact their children, who may develop emotional and behavioral problems for years to come.
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Parental Competition
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Parental competition is a common occurrence after two parents divorce and share custody of their children, according to "The Everything Parent's Guide to Children and Divorce." Often subconsciously, each parent wants to gain their children's favor, forgiveness and compassion. In doing so, the other parent is often painted in a less than flattering light. As a result, children are entered into a contest of affection between their parents. When children are made to feel they should choose sides, they begin to feel like objects.
Witnessing Conflict
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Shared custody children whose parents frequently argue or fight are more likely to witness those arguments and fights, as they usually take place when picking up or dropping off the children. According to Janice G. Tracht, studies demonstrate "that kids who have more frequent contact with a non-custodial parent who is in high conflict with their ex-partner fare worse than kids who see that non-custodial parent on a less frequent basis." She goes on to say that in such cases, it's very important for the parents to take a step back and give their children the opportunity to love them equally.
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Negativity
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Negativity is frequently expressed by children in shared custody, even if they have two loving parents. Their routine has been so drastically changed, and the change was imposed upon them, not desired. Negative behavior is more prevalent in adolescents, according to Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D. A negative attitude may lead to a deeper depression or even rebellious behavior. In this way children can demonstrate control of their lives. And again according to Pickhardt, rebellion may lead to early experimentation in new or previously forbidden experiences.
Positive Adjustment
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Studies seem to show that children who continue to be parented by their mother and their father benefit in the end, even if their shared custody arrangement goes through difficult times. In the article titled "Co-Parenting in Divorce for the Children's Sake", it's pointed out that if argumentative parents learn how to parallel parent with one another, rather than co-parent, much conflict can be avoided. This involves avoiding conflict and handling communications about the children matter-of-factly. When parents adjust well to the situation and keep their children's interests at heart, most children follow suit and also make positive adjustments to the new living situation.
Worrisome Behaviors
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Sometimes children are unable to emotionally cope with the stresses they feel in the transition from living with their families under one roof to going back and forth between two different homes. This inability to cope can result in a number of troublesome behaviors or problems, such as low appetite, inability to sleep, stomach pains, overeating, depressive behavior (loss of interest), hitting, total withdrawal and nightmares. Younger children may digress, refusing to use the toilet if recently potty-trained or whining and clinging a lot. Pickhardt writes that if any of these behaviors last more than "a month [it] should give a parent pause."
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