Importance of Communication in Marriage
Whenever you ask people who have been married for a long time what their secret is, the answer is invariably good communication and the ability to compromise. Television personality Dr. Phil says that how people argue can determine the success or failure of a marriage. It doesn't seem possible that something so seemingly trivial, like communicating, can determine a marriage's health. It seems as if love should be the primary determining factor. While love is certainly important to a marriage, people need to nurture the relationship, and that happens in large part due to good communication skills.
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Identification
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Good communication refers to meaningful communication, not simply coordinating schedules or discussing what's for dinner. Meaningful communication is relating to your spouse intellectually, emotionally and physically, says social worker Mary Jo Peterson, ACSW. The best foundation that anyone can lay regarding good communication is to let your spouse know that you love and accept him as is.
Significance
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Once you have laid a good foundation, utilizing good communication skills will seal the deal. When communicating, don't confront your spouse using the dreaded "you" statements. Temper them with "I" statements. For example, instead of saying to your wife, "You upset me with this behavior," say, "I am upset that this has come between us." Keep your goal in mind, that of resolving the conflict. Don't let your emotions take over.
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Features
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When two people are working together to solve a problem, that is communication. It is bullying behavior when one person is yelling, name-calling and blaming the other. This will only lead to resentment, tension and more conflict. On the flip side, avoiding conflict is not good either. The spouse who shies away from an issue is taking a martyr role, which also leads to resentment, tension, conflict and can cause this spouse to suffer low self-esteem.
Types
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Non-verbal cues and body language are sometimes more important than the words that are spoken. Rolling your eyes, sighing and crossing your arms are conveying that you are not very open to the discussion. Glancing at the clock, checking your cell phone or looking around the room are not good body language cues, either. All of these signals are insulting to your spouse and show that you are not listening with an open mind or are not interested in listening at all. If it is a bad time to talk, let your spouse know that you don't have time now, but want to discuss the issue later. When later comes, give your spouse your full attention without any attitude.
Considerations
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When talking with your spouse, touching in a non-erotic way is literally a good touch in showing your support. Sit close together, hold hands or hug. This is one way to relieve stress and remind each other of your love. Remember to go into any discussion with a good spirit rather than a vengeful one.
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References
- Photo Credit marriage image by Mykola Velychko from Fotolia.com
