Etiquette for Invitation Labels

Rules of etiquette apply when invitations are addressed.

In the Gilded Age, well-heeled socialites sent servants to hand-deliver invitations to formal affairs. In these higher tech and perhaps less gracious times, invitations are sent via telephone, fax or e-mail. Etiquette experts say the best invitations are the traditional ones, mailed with handwritten addresses as opposed to labels.

Details

Addressing invitations by hand is the preferred form.

''One idea above all must prevail, and that is that the invitations be gracious and sincere,'' author Craig Claiborne writes in ''Elements of Etiquette.'' Always include pertinent information, such as the type of dress required and the reason for the occasion. Include your telephone number under RSVP, so guests won't have to go searching for it. And mail invitations out at least two weeks prior to informal affairs, and six weeks prior to formal affairs, to give guests time to respond.

Personal

Address labels for invitations are considered bad form.

Claiborne prefers that all invitations to formal affairs, such as weddings, be handwritten. If time does not permit this option, hiring a calligrapher to address the invitations is a viable, albeit more costly, alternative. Address labels generated by computer are not an option, he says. Experts at The Wedding Channel agree. They advise ordering invitations as soon as arrangements are final to allow plenty of time to address them by hand. If possible, recruit the wedding party, mothers and sisters to help address invitations to large affairs of 200 or more guests.

Labels

Guidelines exist for addressing wedding invitations.

If a bride is set on using address labels for her invitations, there are many companies that provide this service. Opting for a font in a flowing script and choosing clear labels give the envelope a look similar to a hand-addressed invitation. Another option is printing the addresses directly onto the envelope with a home printer. Traditionalists would object, but others consider it preferable to a messy address scribbled on the invitation.

Titles

When addressing the envelopes, follow tradition. Address an invitation to a married couple this way: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. When the husband and wife have different last names, use this form: Ms. Juanita Bee and Mr. John Doe. When inviting a widow use: Mrs. James Doe. An invitation should be addressed to a divorced woman using the term ''Ms.'' followed by her name. If an invitation is going to a judge or a political dignitary, use The Honorable, followed by the person's name. Never use a nickname on any invitation.

Guests

Guests should be asked to respond to an invitation three weeks before the wedding date, giving the planners time to make the final arrangements. The caterer needs a head count and a seating chart must be drawn up in the final weeks before the event. Proper guest etiquette dictates that an invitee must always respond to the invitation. Never show up unannounced or unexpected.

References

• ''Elements of Etiquette''; Craig Claiborne; 1992
• The Wedding Channel: Is there Correct Invitation Etiquette
• The Knot: Wedding Invitations: Etiquette Q&A