Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette for a Destination Wedding

Destination rehearsal dinner etiquette requires a little tweaking.

Holding a wedding rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding is a tradition that continues today with modern adaptations. Typically hosted by the groom's parents (the bride's family customarily pays for the wedding), today's relaxed standards allow for other relatives, close friends or the bride and groom to plan and pay for the event. Destination rehearsal dinners are a little harder to plan, but the basic etiquette rules still apply with a little tweaking.

The Venue

Try the local specialties at a restaurant close to the rehearsal.

Ask the bride's family for suggestions for a restaurant close to the rehearsal location that features local specialties if you are unfamiliar with the area.

Don't book the reception venue: this is stepping on the bride's toes. The hotel where the guests are staying might have options. Inquire about an outdoor location or book a large table at the main restaurant if the reception is in the banquet hall.

Keep it simple if you choose to self-cater. Serve a picnic-style dinner at the rehearsal site itself, in the church's fellowship hall or right on the beach, for example.

Invitations

Email, evites, casual written invitations or phone calls are appropriate.

Sending formal printed invitations has now been replaced by e-vites, email, phone calls and verbal invitations. RSVPs are necessary. Make a written invitation casual; a postcard would be perfect and should be mailed four weeks in advance. Specify the time of the dinner (usually an hour and a half after the rehearsal time) on the invitation, as some will not be attending the rehearsal.

Typically the attendees are the bridal party, the parents, the grandparents and the pastor and spouse. Invite the parents of children in the wedding party. Invite spouses of the wedding party who have traveled with them.

Because everybody has traveled, hosts may feel pressure to include other guests or extended family. When the wedding is held in the bride's hometown, out-of-town guests are sometimes included in the rehearsal dinner; however, at a destination wedding, everyone is out of town. Adding to the guest list is up to you.

The Menu

Local foods and specialties are a treat at a destination rehearsal dinner.

Before planning the menu, find out what is being served at the wedding reception. Choose local specialties. Confine your guests' selections to two or three choices to stay within your budget and facilitate fast service.

Appetizers and hors d'oeuvres are not necessary. Opt for the salad or soup course to be pre-set so that people can eat as soon as they arrive. Select a light dessert that is a local treat or offer a chocolate dessert station or snow cone machine.

Choose pizza, barbecue, subs or the couple's favorite take-away food for a self-catered dinner. A cook-out on grills at a local park is a wonderful option.

Tables and Toasts

The father of the groom may make a toast.

Match the bride's color choices if you use any color on the table. Keep table arrangements simple. A head table is not necessary at a destination wedding rehearsal dinner; this enables married attendants to sit with their spouses.

The hosts should welcome guests. The father (or mother) of the groom may start the toasting. Informal toasting (and sometimes roasting) will follow. The bride and groom should thank everyone for their participation in the wedding and present their attendants with gifts.

What Not to Do

Plan for an early night; tomorrow will be long!

Don't plan a rival reception. If the wedding reception is formal, keep the rehearsal dinner casual. Don't include reception elements such as dancing, long speeches, passed hors d'oeuvres, elaborate table decorations, party favors or cake.

Don't plan a long event. People are tired from traveling and need a good night's sleep. Don't offer a lot of alcohol; this is the perfect beer and wine night.

References

• GroomGrove: Planning the Rehearsal Dinner
• Here Comes the Guide; Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette
• Martha Stewart Weddings: Planning the Rehearsal Dinner

Resources

• OurMarriage: Mother of the Groom Etiquette