Etiquette When Receiving a Wedding Invitation

Learn the proper responses to wedding invitations.

You have been invited to a wedding ceremony for a friend or loved one, and you definitely plan on attending. However, there are rules of etiquette to follow once you receive the invitation so the bride and groom can properly organize their guest list.

Response

Etiquette suggests the most formal way to respond to a wedding invitation is to send a handwritten message confirming your attendance. This, however, is not common these days. The bride's parents usually send an RSVP card in the same envelope as the wedding invitation. Wedding invitations also may suggest a response via email. Handwritten responses also can be hard to read. This method is not recommended unless the wedding is fairly small, or the bride is familiar with this aspect of wedding etiquette.

Handwritten Regrets

Guests who are unable to attend the wedding ceremony also may send their regrets via a handwritten note. For instance, you may write, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith are regretfully unable to accept the invitation of (name of bride and groom) for Saturday, the sixth of June." Spell out the date completely, no matter what type of response is chosen.

Split Acceptance/Regret

If a couple is invited to a wedding, and one individual is able to attend while the other is not, it is acceptable to send a split acceptance/ regret response. For example, your handwritten or typed note can read, "Mr. Smith accepts the invitation of (name of bride and groom). Mrs. Smith regrets she is unable to attend." This response should be sent well before the wedding so the bride and groom can arrange seating accordingly.

Time Frame

When you receive a wedding invitation, send your response as soon as you are certain of your attendance status, preferably within a day or two of receiving the invite. Responses should be sent in the manner requested by the bride and groom. For instance, if you receive an RSVP card in your invitation and it provides a space for guests to check "yes" or "no" for attendance, send this back, along with the supplied place cards--which also may be included in the invitation envelope--that coordinate with the name of each guest.

Children

Couples often choose not to have children at the wedding ceremony, which is acceptable. However, if children are allowed at the wedding and reception, include your children's names in your wedding invitation response. For instance, write, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith, (name of child or children, separated by commas), are pleased to accept the invitation of (name of bride and groom) for Saturday, the third of April."

References

• The Purple House: Responding to Wedding Invitations
• Emily Post Institute: Invitation Etiquette