Calling Card Etiquette

Calling cards were a necessity for wealthy Victorians.

In the Victorian era and until World War One, "calling" on friends and acquaintances at their homes was an important social custom for the wealthy. The "Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette" says that although they've mostly gone out of use, calling cards, also known as visiting cards (from the French cartes de visite), have in recent years been used by those in diplomatic or military circles.

Background

Social calls were a staple of Victorian life, and silver calling card trays were at the entryways of most upper-class homes. The cards were engraved with usually just the person's name on them. Calling cards provided a way of communicating without using words. For example, if the top left corner of the card was bent or torn, it meant the visit was a social call. If the top right corner was bent, it was a visit of congratulations. Everything about the card carried a meaning, from its design and turned-down corners to its black borders. The card was a token of a person's visit, and not an item to be referred to later for information.

Modern Times

According to the Vanderbilt book, calling cards fell out of use because by tradition they were engraved, and therefore, expensive. They can't be used as invitations because their envelopes are too small to meet post office requirements. Also, as women joined the workforce, they've had less time to make social calls. In the computer age most people use social media sites to connect with others.

Style of Cards

Judith Bowman, author of "Don't Take the Last Donut: New Rules of Business Etiquette," says cards that are are cheaply made, on flimsy paper or laminated make a bad impression on others, particularly if they're used for business purposes. She advises that people get cards professionally made and suggests using white or ecru paper and black ink. Today, social calling cards should contain the bearer's name and one line of contact information. Post and Bowman both caution against including home addresses on the cards as a safety precaution.

Etiquette

Post and Bowman both note that calling cards should adhere to the 3.5-x-2 format of the standard business card, because wallets are usually that standard size, and to have something of a different size will make things awkward. Both Bowman and Post suggest a person wait until he's at least spoken to a person for a few minutes before handing over a calling card, and perhaps asking a person first if she'd like your card.

Messages on Cards

Both the Vanderbilt book and "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette" say any messages written on cards, such as "Have a Nice Trip" or "With Deepest Sympathy," should go on the face of the card, not the back. If a person is using a calling card as a gift enclosure, the printed name on the front should be crossed out with a single line, then the person should write his or her name, such as "With love, Sam."

Birth Annoucements

A baby can have his or her own calling card.

The "Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette" suggests using calling cards to announce a birth. A small calling card, engraved only with the baby's name, may be attached to the father and mother's card (if they have one card as a couple) or cards. The baby's card can have a pink or blue border and be attached to the card or cards with pink or blue ribbon.

References

• San Diego Archeological Center: Victorian Calling Card Classroom Lesson
• The Los Angeles Times; "My Card, Madam?," Adam Tschorn; staff writer; December 2008
• The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette, 2nd edition; Mary Mitchell & John Corr; 2004
• The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette; Nancy Tuckerman & Nancy Dunnan; 1995

Resources

• Victorian Bazaar: Calling Cards and Stationery