Information on Teaching Good Manners
Is Miss Manners out of style? Good manners display respect and concern for others, and teaching children manners reflects a parent's hopes for society. In addition to a child's naturally self-centered behavior, the advent of cell phone technology, email, instant messaging and tweeting has created a whole new category of etiquette to learn.
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When to Start
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Children are not born with good manners: developing decorum requires instruction, modeling and positive reinforcement. Teach appropriate behaviors daily. Children between the ages of two and five are receptive to learning proper conduct and polite actions from parents. Check out books or videos that focus on manners for this age group.
Parents' Role
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Children model actions more than words, so parents should set and maintain a standard the child will imitate. Verbal responses like "please" and "thank you" are good places to start; but behavior, more than words, is the true foundation for good manners.
The most important thing for a parent to do is teach by example. Don't expect children not to imitate, so in addition to exhibiting traditional manners, avoid allowing cell phone interruptions and model courteous instant messaging and email behavior. Above all, steer clear of road rage.
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Positive Reinforcement
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Show the child what is desired rather than what is not. Instead of yelling "Don't scream at your sister," say "Please speak to your sister kindly" in a calm, controlled voice. Once the child understands what is expected, gently remind her often. Be consistent; don't change expectations from day to day.
Developmental Considerations
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Teaching is not the same as reprimanding. Don't assume the child purposely uses bad manners; a child's mind may not automatically transfer what he has learned from one situation to another. Speak specifically to the action rather than assuming a motive.
Also, it is important to remember that a child's physical development may not have caught up to her mental development. So she may know not to bump into grandma's coffee table, but physically she does not have expert control of her balance or spatial orientation.
Whenever possible, correct the child privately---making a scene in front of others reinforces the incorrect behavior---but do not wait too long after the event or he will not understand which behavior was inappropriate.
Special Occasions
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Before a trip to a restaurant, the movies or a friend's home, coach the child on expected behavior. A brief review of good manners increases the likelihood of success.
Areas to Cover
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Decide which manners to address first--for instance, saying "please" and "thank you" or table manners. As the child matures, add social customs like the preferred form of address (Mr., Mrs.) and social relationships (sharing, not stealing). Model and teach proper cell phone, messaging and emailing courtesy as each technology is introduced.
Take a Class
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One fun way to learn manners is to attend a function or class geared to teaching formal etiquette. Check with scout troops, boys' and girls' clubs or even a local restaurant or tearoom for lesson opportunities.
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References
Resources
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