What Is a Complusive Liar?
A compulsive liar is a person who lies habitually. The lies may be significant, insignificant or altogether pointless. Compulsive liars tell untruths for a number of reasons, such as avoiding conflict, projecting a certain image, evading responsibility or to gain popularity. The motivations for lying are unknown, but they likely trace back to childhood trauma.
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About Lies
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Compulsive liars tell their tales instinctually. They have difficulty controlling why, when, how, where or to whom they tell untruths. They can lie about persons, places or things that have no attachment or significance to them whatsoever. They often lie for no purpose at all. Compulsive liars may tell big lies about their misconduct or to misrepresent their identity. But more often they tell little "white lies." They might fib about throwing up at a party or the price of gas or where they are going. There is no clear rhyme or reason.
Pathological vs. Compulsive Liars
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A Pathological Liar (PL) is one who lies regularly at the expense of others. He lies to manipulate, deceive or control, or as a show of power. A PL often feels no remorse and may enjoy lying. He lies to get out of trouble, to get what he wants or for the sheer rush. He disregards the pain and hurt his lies cause. According to Yale Clinical and Psychiatric professors Charles C. Dike, Madelon Baranoksi and Ezra Griffith, PLs may suffer from serious mental illness, disassociation from their actions or antipathy toward people in general.
A Compulsive Liar (CL) is like a remorseful addict. She does not lie for spite, but is prone to this chronic behavior that can spiral out of control. Her need to lie may be as mysterious to her as it is to others. It can be born by deep unconscious insecurity. She may lie to be liked, trusted, wanted and respected. But the behavior results in the opposite. The lies estrange those close to her, causing her shame. She may be an impulsive person with an attention or basic personality disorder.
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Early Patterns
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The lying often starts in childhood in response to environment. Liars may have been taught by their parents to communicate through lies. They may have lied to avoid the consequences of mistakes, or to gain the approval or attention of those who neglected, abandoned or disfavored them. They may have lied to mediate conflict or to live up to lofty expectations. Psychiatrist and author Charles V. Ford claims that lying is a social phenomenon that can be linked to poor self-esteem and may be a reaction to feeling controlled, intimidated or inadequate.
The Lying Cycle
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A compulsive will lie to conceal other lies in a destructive cycle. This challenges the deceiver and the deceived. Both have difficulty enjoying an authentic, dependable and trusting relationship. CLs may therefore move from place to place or person to person, carrying the past and never feeling at home. Their deepest bonds--such as family--may be continuously strained by suspicion.
Liars shirk accountability for their actions, have trouble accepting reality and fear exposing themselves. Confronting them may result in emotional outbursts or further evasion. However, CLs sometimes confess and reveal truth. They may want or feel pressured to do so. They will inevitably struggle to tell the whole truth rather than a part.
CLs often volunteer truths. They get frustrated with the lying cycle and regret the pain it creates. They will try to break it in order to save a meaningful relationship or make "safe" admissions to strangers. They may prelude a truth by setting up the listener: "This is hard to say but...," "Remember when I told you....," "I want to say something...."
Help
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How to help chronic liars is an open issue. Their problems may never be resolved, only alleviated. Intervention, psychological therapy and establishing firm boundaries have all been successful measures to varying degrees. Demanding the truth may be less effective than inviting it unconditionally. Liars who suffer chronic insecurity may be terrified of the truth, admit it anyway, and suffer consequences that deter them from acceptable behavior.
Both Dike and Ford maintain that chronic lying has not been properly diagnosed and that studies in this area are lacking.
Dealing with CLs is certainly hard. They try your patience, resources, feelings and faith. They are usually not bad people underneath, just addicted. Some are good people whose empathy makes them better liars. They must admit their illness and work to overcome it in future. Only a compulsive liar can pave the way to his own healing.
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