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Children need to be taught about the proverbial "birds and the bees" at a young age. While the discussions should be age appropriate, parents should not shy away from giving information from the time a child first becomes curious about issues. If, for example, your three-year-old wants to know why his aunt suddenly has a growing belly, it is the perfect time to explain about pregnancy. Let him know that his aunt has a baby inside her body. At this stage, there is no need to explain how the baby got there or how it will be born unless the child asks. If he does, give information he can understand.
Remember that what your child asks and gets answered as a toddler will probably need to be repeated and further explained as he matures. Children do not retain all the information they are absorbing at once, and they will need to have things revisited. Also, as a child ages, he will be ready for more detailed information regarding sexuality. - Take care to be honest and accurate when discussing sexual topics with children. Work hard to cultivate an atmosphere of openness in which a child will be comfortable coming to you with questions about intimate topics. Don't let misplaced shame or embarrassment cause you to sugar coat issues. For example, tell children the correct names for body parts such as vagina and penis and resist the temptation to use "baby" terms. Be honest about what can be frightening topics, but do not scare children with false information such as the old wives tale that masturbation can cause blindness. Remember that their peers will likely be discussing sexuality with them and may be misinforming them about sexuality. A parent must counteract this problem by providing truthful and accurate information. Always tell the child you will find the answer if she asks a question for which you do not have the answer.
- It is often difficult to bring up sexual topics. Parents should not always wait for children to pose questions as they may be hesitant to do so or do not know how to put their concerns into words. Seize opportunities to discuss sexuality. For instance, you can begin discussing the subject of menstruation with young girls or boys when feminine products are advertised on television or when the items are noticed on store shelves. Explain what the products are for and give the amount of detail appropriate for the age of the child. Another early opportunity for talking about gender differences can occur if a young child witnesses another of the opposite gender undressed. Sharp parents can take this chance to describe the fundamental anatomical differences in boys and girls.
- Anticipate sexual issues and questions your children will have before they arise. You will want to discuss issues such as menstruation with a girl prior to her first period, and the subject of nocturnal emissions should be discussed with a boy before it happens. Children who are kept in the dark regarding basic sexual issues are more likely to become frightened or ashamed when they undergo puberty. Parents also need to remember that the average age for beginning puberty is younger than it has been in the past. Girls often begin developing breasts and even menstruating by age nine, and boys may be sprouting underarm and pubic hair by the same age. Well informed children will have an easier time dealing with the physical and emotional changes involved in puberty than less informed peers.
- Some parents are fairly comfortable giving their child biological details regarding sexuality, but they may find it difficult to discuss the emotions and values that go along with sex. It is a parent's responsibility to instruct children in their own values. Children need to know how you feel about such issues as premarital sex. Most parents will want their children to adopt their own values about morality, but they should be careful to explain that others have different views. It will ultimately be up to the child to decide what his own moral code will be. Parents also need to reassure children that--if they make mistakes or make choices opposite of the family values--they will be forgiven and supported.
- Parents must cover critical sexual topics with their children. All children should be taught about pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and sexual abuse. While it is not necessary to approach these topics with very young children, many issues need to be covered before the child starts school. For instance, a child needs to be told that it is inappropriate for adults to touch private areas of her body. Children need to be taught to respect the bodies of others as well. Parents need to discuss the topic of sexual harassment with children so they understand its inappropriateness and seriousness. Older children need to know about how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Teach your children these topics yourself. Do not rely on a school's sex education curriculum.
