Ideas for Planning a Lesbian Wedding
Congratulations! Planning any wedding is stressful, and lesbian weddings can bring the added stress of legal issues and family politics. Many aspects must be considered when planning your own wedding, but the most important part of planning your wedding is to remember that you can stay as close to or as far from traditional wedding ceremonies as you and your future wife desire.
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Legal Recognition
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Decide whether having your marriage legally recognized is important to you. As of 2009, legal same-sex marriages can be performed in six states--Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut and Maine--and these marriages will also be recognized in Rhode Island and New York. If you do not reside in one of these states and legal recognition is important to you, consider a destination wedding or a trip to the state with your partner before having another party back home.
Reactions
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Be prepared for a myriad of reactions. It has become more common for people to be supportive of same-sex marriage, but often lesbians do not expect to receive a hearty congratulations as readily as their straight counterparts may. For example, people may often ask whether the wedding will be legal. In cases like these, inform them about the legality in your state, and then let them know that you will be having a wedding ceremony to celebrate your love and commitment to your partner in front of your friends and family.
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Time Frame
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Begin planning a small wedding three to four months in advance and a large wedding with 100 guests or more 10 months to one year in advance. You will want to settle on a date early and send save-the-date cards to your guests so they can plan any vacation time or simply reserve your date before other weddings and events.
Over the course of your planning, you will choose the location, flowers, clothing, invitations and food and book a photographer and a minister (if you are having a religious ceremony).
Clothing
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Clothing is a particular point of contention for some lesbians. Plenty of lesbian women will wear the same types of gowns or dresses that straight women wear to their weddings, but some lesbian women are uncomfortable in traditional women's clothing. Your wedding does not need to be a formal affair, which can lessen the stress on clothing. However, it is important to remember that a wedding is a celebration of you and your partner's love and commitment, so your clothing should suit you. Feel free to wear a dress, a tailored suit, a pants suit or even a swimsuit. There are no "shoulds" or rules about your wedding.
Related Events
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Some events related to weddings involve friends and family and the outside world, such as bridal showers, registering for gifts and bachelorette parties. Your family may be unsure of how to navigate some of these events, because they are used to a male/female wedding structure. They may ask you what you prefer as far as inviting one or both of you to a shower or party, but if they do not, feel free to let them know. You may prefer to have these events separately or together--either way is fine as long as it is what the two of you want.
Most major retailers are used to same-sex couples registering for gifts, including Target, Crate and Barrel, Bed Bath and Beyond and many more. When you go in to register, let them know you are registering for your wedding. If the salesperson makes you feel at all uncomfortable, ask for someone else to help you, and let customer service know.
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References
- Photo Credit http://www.morguefile.com
