What to Do in an Abusive Relationship

Abuse comes in many forms, among them physical, emotional, mental and sexual abuse. A person who is being abused must consider several factors, including whether to stay in the relationship. Whether you choose to leave or stay, however, the first priority is to stay safe.

The Facts

If you are in an abusive relationship, trust your instincts and do whatever you must do to survive and remain safe. Create a safety plan and talk with someone about the situation. Consider contacting the police or a local women's crisis center.

Ending an abusive relationship is not as simple as ending a typical relationship. If you want to leave an abusive relationship, you must carefully plan out an exit strategy. For help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE.

Preparing to Leave the Relationship

Start planning how to safely leave and have a secure place to go. Leave the following items with a trusted friend or relative in case of an emergency: money, copies of important documents (such as birth certificates, insurance cards, car titles, mortgage or lease papers, social security cards), medications and a spare set of keys.

Open a savings or checking account in your own name, listing a safe address such as a work address or post office box.

Keep a list of contact information for local shelters, friends, family, doctors and community and legal resources that can assist you.

Pack an emergency bag of clothing and keep it hidden in case you have to leave in a hurry.

If necessary, obtain a restraining order from the police.

If You Decide to Stay

Assess your partner's violent behavior and know the potential dangers. If possible, when an abusive situation occurs, avoid it by leaving (even if it's temporary).

Keep a phone nearby at all times and do not hesitate to call the police if necessary.

Tell at least one trusted friend (a neighbor is best) about the abusive situation and create a code or signal to use in case help is needed in an emergency.

If You Are Attacked

If you cannot leave, go to a secure area of your home--this is defined as a place without any kind of weapons that has an easy escape route (do not use a kitchen or bathroom as a safe area). It is important not to run to an area where children or animals are present, as the abusive partner may hurt them, too.

According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, "If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target; dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined."

Warnings

No one deserves to be abused. If you are subjected to physical, emotional, mental or sexual abuse, you should immediately seek assistance.

References

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Stanford University