Why Do Girls Stay in an Abusive Relationship?
For those looking in from the outside, it can be hard to fathom why a victim of domestic abuse would stay in such a clearly harmful situation. Women who find themselves in these circumstances have a variety of different motivations or reasons for remaining in an abusive relationship, and there often exists complex, subconscious reasoning behind this decision.
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A common characteristic of abused women is a tendency to rationalize the abuse they experience and to tell themselves that their partner truly does care for them despite the abuse. Victims may tell themselves the abuse isn't so bad and that there are too many good aspects of the relationship to let it go. Often, women who stay in abusive relationships make excuses for their abusive partner, attempting to find a reason for his dangerous behavior.
Types
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Abused women use a few common reasons to rationalize staying in the relationship. The first type of rationale is practical, albeit irrational. According to this line of reasoning, women may stay in abusive relationships because they're financially dependent on the abuser and believe they'll be unable to provide for themselves or their children if they leave.
A related reason some abused women stick around is their desire to keep the family intact for the sake of the children, even though this move ultimately proves more harmful than helpful in the majority of cases. Another typical motivation for a woman to stay in a harmful relationship is to prevent divorce, which may go against her religious or cultural upbringing.
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Considerations
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Poor self-esteem is an all-too-common underlying factor of abusive relationships. Women with feelings of low self-worth are much more likely to believe that they either deserve the abuse or hope things will improve, because they simply cannot imagine finding a better relationship. These women are more likely to settle for any relationship, albeit an abusive one, and their reluctance to stand up for themselves may be reinforced by an abuser who claims that abuse is normal.
Cycle of Abuse
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According to MentalHelp.net, abusive relationships generally follow a vicious cycle where abuse continues intermittently and the victim continually forgives the abuser. Usually a specific event (or an imagined occurrence) takes place that sparks rage in the abuser and leads to the initial instance of verbal, physical or sexual abuse. Soon after this first incident, the abuser will frequently express his remorse and do whatever it takes to get his abused partner to forgive him. The abusive partner may offer gifts or promise that it will never happen again, leading to a peaceful period where the two partners get along well. Yet at some point, another trigger sets off the abuser and the cycle of abuse continues.
Warning
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Victims of domestic abuse who continually forgive their partner are not only reinforcing this behavior but are also increasing the chances that the abuse will continue. Generally, the cycle of abuse will repeat itself indefinitely unless an abused woman gets out of the relationship or is killed by her partner. Many times, both the victim and the abusive partner do not realize the consequences of this dangerous pattern.
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