The Difference Between Jealousy & Envy

Jealousy and envy are very prevalent problems in many of our relationships, whether the relationship exists between family members, colleagues or lovers. Though both of these are common human emotions that everyone experiences, it's sometimes difficult to distinguish the differences between the two. Understanding whether it's envy or jealousy helps combat the problem.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a forceful emotion that can present itself in several different ways--often with feelings of anger, hurt, paranoia, doubt or fear. It occurs most frequently when you fear losing something or someone you already are in possession of, such as when your mate shows an interest in someone else. Jealousy is related very closely to your self-esteem and self-image in that the less confident you are about yourself, the more likely you are to view a situation jealously. Jealousy occurs most often in relationships and can cause hurt feelings and conflicts between you and your loved ones when not immediately identified and dealt with in a rational manner, such as controlling your reaction by recognizing and suppressing the jealousy or making a humorous remark rather than an angry one.

Envy

Envy is another common, strong emotion that most often occurs when you want something that someone else has or you feel the need to try to come between someone else and her goal--generally in an effort to obtain the goal for yourself or to simply prevent her from achieving it. Envy has many similarities to jealousy--particularly in how it is displayed, through anger, hurt and paranoia. Envy can also have a detrimental affect on relationships and should be dealt with immediately to avoid damage to relationships with loved ones. Envy can be handled in much the same way as jealousy, by suppressing the feelings, by rationalizing what you are feeling and why or by confronting the problem head-on by admitting to your feelings without acting on them.

Differences Between Envy and Jealousy

The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy occurs when you covet something that another person has or is striving to obtain, while jealousy manifests when you fear the loss of someone or something already in your life. Envy generally brings strong emotional reactions related to anger and deceit; jealousy can very often bring about paranoia, feelings of insecurity and fear.

How Jealousy and Envy Affect Relationships

Jealousy and envy have the potential to hurt relationships. For instance, jealousy over the actions of your mate can cause you to react by becoming clingy and overly concerned about minor issues, which can escalate into fighting. Envy over a coworker's promotion can cause the working and social relationships between you to become strained, and can cause you to harbor angry feelings of resentment toward your coworker that can hurt your performance at work. There is nothing positive to be gained from harboring jealous or envious feelings. These feelings lead to further negative emotions including anger, resentment, fear and paranoia--which when allowed into your life can hurt relationships and other aspects of your life, including your career.

How to Combat Jealousy and Envy

The treatment for jealousy and envy is the same: Analyze your feelings before you act on them in order to better realize what you are feeling and how you are considering reacting. If there's a negative emotion at the base of your feelings, don't act on them. In a very close relationship, such as with a lover or spouse, it may be helpful to calmly and rationally explain your feelings without attributing blame to your partner. Simply explain that this is what you are feeling, this is what caused it, and that you want to express your feelings without putting blame or judgment on the other person in order to prevent hurting your relationship.
Envy is a little more difficult to combat; it requires personal reflection to understand where the feelings are coming from and to deal with them on your own. It could cause rifts in the relationship with the person toward whom you harbor envious feelings. If you feel the need to confide in someone about your emotions, select someone who is a confidant and who is completely separated from the situation creating the envious feelings. Ultimately, envy must be dealt with internally. A good way to help yourself to overcome your envious feelings is to write down your feelings. Then write down why it would be bad for you to act on those feelings-- including damage that it could cause your relationship, negative effects at work, and how you would feel about yourself. Writing your feelings helps you to physically see and better understand your feelings without causing harm to yourself or others. Once finished, burn what you've written to give a sense of finality to the situation. Jealousy and envy occur much more often than you may realize. By explaining your feelings, it may help to heal or prevent rifts that the negative emotions can cause in your relationships.

References

• Definition of Jealousy
• Jealousy
• Definition of Envy

Resources

• The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy