What to Expect at Marriage Counseling

If you are having problems in your marriage you may be frustrated, hurt and confused about where to turn. You and your partner may have thought about going to marriage counseling, but are not sure what to expect. Will it really help? How much will you have to share? Will the counselor decide who is right and who is wrong? Understanding what to expect at marriage counseling can make it easier to decide whether it is the right step for you and your partner.

When to Go

As far as marriage counseling goes, any time is the right time to start. If you both agree that counseling is worth a try, you will want to schedule an appointment as soon as possible. Each counselor has different availability. Many do evening or weekend appointments to accommodate working couples. Some counselors accept insurance, while others will require you pay out of pocket. When you call to schedule an appointment, it is important to ask about any concerns you may have regarding scheduling, financial arrangements or the counselor's credentials to ensure it is a workable arrangement for you and your spouse.

Your First Appointment

Most counselors will schedule an intake appointment, averaging one to two hours, for you and your spouse. You will complete paperwork and insurance forms, if necessary, and review the limits of confidentiality. The counselor will introduce herself and answer any initial questions you may have. Because each counselor has his own theoretical approach, beliefs and techniques, some may spend time discussing their experiences and views on counseling, so you can feel comfortable and know what to expect. The counselor will then give you an opportunity to share why you have come for counseling. The session will be spent with both partners sharing their views about the problems they are having in the marriage and what they would like to accomplish by coming to counseling. The counselor may ask questions to get biographical information and history regarding the couple and their relationship. The session will end with discussions about whether marriage counseling is appropriate for you and your spouse and, if needed, a schedule to begin regular sessions. Sessions can be scheduled as often as necessary, but are usually weekly

Ongoing Counseling Sessions

Marriage counseling can be done in several ways, but most counselors will schedule appointments with the couple together, as well as some sessions individually with the husband and the wife. Individual sessions provide the opportunity for you and your spouse to share your concerns without the pressure of your spouse sitting next to you and can allow more freedom to express feelings. The counselor will begin to get a clearer picture of the problems that exist and will begin to provide guidance and suggestions for you and your partner. Couples often will have homework outside of the sessions to allow them to begin communication at home about the issues they are discussing in counseling. A marriage counselor will not take sides and should never be judgmental towards you or your spouse.

Ending Therapy

Marriage counseling may last from several sessions to well more than a year, depending on the issues with which the couple is dealing in the marriage. Issues of infidelity, substance abuse, pornography and other sensitive issues may require extensive time to repair the trust issues in the relationship, so it can be difficult to predict exactly how many sessions will be needed. The counselor will work with you on the goals of counseling and continue to guide you and your spouse throughout the process. As you begin to make progress and begin reaching goals, counseling will decrease, allowing more time between sessions to work on your issues at home. When both partners and the counselor agree that the goals have been met, counseling will be terminated.

Follow-Up

Many counselors will call to check in on the couple several months later to see how they are progressing. Many couples may return to therapy periodically to address additional issues that arise. Do not be afraid to call your counselor to ask for help if concerns come up that you are having difficulty dealing with in the marriage. Marriage counseling can be successful if both parties are open and honest in session. Counseling can save your marriage when you have given up hope if you are willing to commit to the process.

Resources

• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists