What Do Men Want in a Marriage?

Marriage, however you define it, requires commitment on behalf of both parties involved. Men's role in a successful marriage, and their supposed views of it, are often misconstrued or misunderstood; men really want what any woman would want.

Significance

Men are often accused of the crime of non-communication when dealing with impending divorces. "I don't know he's thinking" of "I don't know what he wants" are quoted by exasperated wives looking for answers on what men really want in or out of a marriage. Contrary to popular theory, it's not what you would think.

Misconceptions

By nature, men are simple creatures. Needs are based on comforts and pleasure, while women are more nurturing and tend to overlook their own in favor of his. This seems painfully one-sided. The truth is, men not only want, but require the women in their lives to be happy, strong and loving like, you guessed it, mom. The theory that it's all about sex isn't at all accurate. While there's unfortunately many exceptions to this rule, a guy's mother is his first female role model, the ensuing measuring stick on which all girlfriends (thus potential wives) must be judged. Whether mom was good at her job or not may or may not be relative to his choice in mates. He holds an ideal picture of what a wife, or mother to his children, should be. This model includes three primary traits that, to him at least, form the basis of a successful marriage.

Theories/Speculation

Men would like someone with the qualities of their mother, however, they don't want their mate to assume the role of pseudo-mom. When the wife begins to be more of a superior than an equal is when men start feeling trapped. This is where communication is vital in a marriage. According to Women Today Magazine's resident relationship guru and professional "Love Coach" Rinatta Paries, men want women to learn to "communicate truth and needs effectively". Men want women to say what they mean, as plainly as possible. Vagueness isn't appropriate. Also, trust is a major issue. Men are looking for a woman to be faithful; infidelity exists on both sides of the relationship. When a man can trust a woman to be true her vows, he can trust himself. Generally speaking, men like sports but do not like games. To them, a marriage where they feel like a pawn in the wife's grand scheme is enough of a red flag to send them bolting.

Considerations

If you're in a marriage that's in jeopardy, or are married to a unresponsive husband who seemingly doesn't want to address the issue, consider seeing the subject from his point of view using the above as a guideline. Being forthright about your needs instead of expecting him to understand only what's being said versus what's not being said isn't the best approach. If needed, seek the help of a licensed counselor. While getting the husband to volunteer for a session might be difficult, counselors may be able to offer tips and some insight into the situation.

Effects

Popular theory holds that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, with not much in common. Wrong. Men and women are people, and people have very basic needs. As emotionally complex as both sexes are, men desire many of the same things in a marriage as women do. Security, companionship, trust, some passion, and compatibility are the key ingredients that men both want and need to ensure a lasting marriage with the woman of their dreams.