About Courtship in Colonial America

Courtship in colonial America was formal and followed many steps. Mostly, it was guided by parents and seen as making a "good" match rather than a romantic one. Physical contact was limited between the man and woman and everything was kept chaste until after the wedding. Pregnancy before the wedding brought shame to everyone, especially the woman's family.

Arranged Matches

In colonial America, a person's social standing had a great deal to do with perspective matches in marriage. Wealth and the power of families were at stake, thus making choices in courtship and marriage critical in order to keep wealth within the family. Marriage decisions were more about business and had little to do with romance. The matches were also often made by the fathers or parents.

Common Folk

Common men who found themselves smitten by a young lady had their hands full. Before formal courtship could begin, the interested young man had to show the young lady's family that he could take care of the daughter after the marriage. This was done through negotiations that included looking into the future of wealth and property to come through inheritance.

Decision Makers

There were never just two people in a relationship. Parents and other influential relatives had a great deal of say in what happened between two people looking to form a relationship. No matter how much the two young people may love each other, if higher powers did not approve of the match, there was no future for it.

The Dowry

The father of the perspective bride often had to show the perspective groom what the bride could bring to the marriage. This was called the dowry. In times when the grooms were scarce and brides plentiful, this helped to seal the deal and secure the marriage.

Waiting

Younger siblings often had to wait until their older siblings married before they could get married themselves. It did not matter if they already had a perspective mate and were ready to take their vows. Until it was their turn, they waited, even if it meant years and years.

Things Happen

Even though courtship was often thought out, things happened out of wedlock. Sometimes this happened when younger siblings had to wait out their older siblings. Children would sometimes come into the picture before vows had been taken. At times, the relationship would fall apart due to the long wait.

When Money Didn't Matter

For some who had no wealth at all, matters were much more simple. Since there was no money to squabble over, the couple usually spoke their vows in front of friends or just each other. There was no official present and no disapproving parents. The couple did not need parental consent at the lowest level of the social ladder.