About Abusive Spouses
Trying to deal, or at least cope, with an abusive spouse is never an easy situation. The spouse, who is supposed to be responsible for so much joy, can sometimes be the source of so much pain. For those who suspect they may be in such a relationship, there are things to look out for and actions that can be taken. More than anyone else, it is the spouse who can tell for sure if she or he is in an abusive relationship. The key is to act when that realization is first made. To help with that process, there are certain things to look for.
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Purpose
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Spouse abuse is not about love. It is not even about the person perpetrating the abuse getting his or her own way. Rather, it is about the perpetrator using his or her power to control the other person. For those in this situation, understand you are not alone and there are those who can help. For more information on domestic violence trends, see "Additional Resources" below.
Domineering
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Though this may not seem like it, those who try to be overtly domineering are often in the initial phases of an abuse pattern. This is more than just fighting for something he or she may believe in. It is unilaterally making decisions and becoming upset if the family does not follow in lock-step.
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Threats
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The main thing abusive spouses do here is work through fear. Often, fear has no outward signs, at least mild fear. However, this fear can quickly manifest itself and grow, further immobilizing the victim from taking necessary actions. Threats may be against the abused person, or against those close to the abused person that he or she may want to protect.
Intimidation
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Similar to fear, this is often used in place of threats. In this case, the abuser may not directly make any threats. Rather, these are likely to be actions and words that are meant to convey an indirect message that both the sender and receiver are sure to understand.
Humiliation
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In order to keep control over a person, the abuser must destroy that person's self-esteem. Humiliation, in one form or another, is the easiest way to do this. Name calling and public insults are a couple of very common ways this is accomplished.
Isolation
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This is especially common after physical abuse starts, so that others do not recognize the signs as easily. However, keeping a spouse away from others can be done even before the abuser starts anything physical, and it can be an intimidation tactic.
Solutions
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Those in an abusive situation need to find a way to get help. If in immediate danger, dial 911, or the emergency number for your area. Also, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help at 800-799-SAFE (7233). To visit the hotline's website, see "Additional Resources" below.
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Resources
- Photo Credit Herald Post
