- The symptoms of empty nest syndrom are similar to mild depression. While missing the children is normal, such grief that leads a parent to cry a lot or shut her or himself inside should be taken more seriously. Hopelessness, desperate loneliness and the feeling that life is over are all indications of this syndrome.
- Empty nest syndrome affects mothers more commonly than fathers, probably because mothers typically spend more time and put more growth effort into the children. Serious cases of empty nest syndrome can affect a parent's ability to function in his daily routine. The mom, for instance, may no longer feel the need to wake early and cook a proper breakfast. If the symptoms are serious enough, Mom may not get up at all on any given day. Other effects include staying inside more often, not socializing with friends, not spending enough time with the spouse and not following routines or traditions.
- With parents working more outside the home and with children busier with outside activities, empty nest syndrome does not hit as hard as it once did. Still, if you are used to a household of noise and chaos, or if you have made a career out of keeping accounts of your children's daily routines, the feelings of emptiness will be hard to avoid when they are gone. From the time children are born, parents, particularly mothers, often live their children's lives as well as their own at the same time. When children become independent, the connection weakens, and when they leave, it is like losing a limb. Parents now have to adjust to a life that focuses on themselves alone. With the children still at home, this sounds like a dream. The reality of it is much harsher.
- "The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" indicates that the severity of empty nest syndrome depends on the quality of the parents' relationship with the child. Research recorded in this manual suggests that strong, healthy relationships with children ease the pain of the empty nest. Strained or hostile relationships at the time of departure leave parents with an increased sense of incompletion and loss.
- Preparing for the day your children move away is the best preventive measure against this syndrome. Talk you your child about his or her plans and help the child with the transition as much as possible. Maintain a good relationship with your children while they are still home, giving them the sense that they can return, visit or call whenever they want and that leaving the house does not mean leaving the family. Once the children have moved from the house, keep regular contact by phone or email. Invite them home for holidays and visit them at their new homes whenever possible. Avoid the phone tag game where you feel it's "their turn" to call. They might not be keeping the same score, and you may end up disgruntled and bitter over a simple misunderstanding. Once the children leave the nest, there should be no strings or conditions to your relationship. They are equals and should be treated like extra special friends. If it is too late for prevention or if the syndrome creeps up no matter what you try, talk to a professional before it overwhelms you.
