Moving From Online Dating to the Phone
Shifting from talking online to speaking on the phone should be a short intermediate step before the first date. The longer this period lasts, the less promising the relationship is likely to be. Phone conversations with a potential date are exciting, but overdoing it can distort the nature of the relationship and get things started on a warped footing. Use the time you spend on the phone productively to learn more about the other person as a preliminary screening activity.
Other People Are Reading
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Significance
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Moving from an online-only relationship to one that includes phone conversations indicates an increase in the level of mutual trust and interest. If you're trying to keep someone that you've met online at a distance, don't move the relationship forward to the phone--it sends all the wrong signals. Talking on the phone provides more immediate communication. You can tell a lot more about the emotional status of the other person by paying attention to vocal inflection than you can reading their words.
Function
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The amount of time spent talking on the phone before actually going out on a date should be very short. If it extends past a week, it indicates that something is probably fundamentally wrong with the relationship--unless it is a long-distance one, in which case there are other associated challenges beyond the scope of this article. If you are in a relationship that has moved to phone conversations for more than a week but neither of you have committed to a face-to-face date, pose the question directly. Find out why it hasn't moved forward. If the other person can't answer the question honestly, end the relationship before you get more emotionally involved.
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Time Frame
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Talking on the phone, you should be able to discover many new things about a person that may not have been apparent before. The most important change is that many people act and speak differently on the phone than they do online. In addition, vocalized conversation has a tendency to be far more arousing than speaking online. This can make a relationship progress faster than you might want it to, particularly if you are poor at setting relationship boundaries.
Effects
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The jump between e-mails and chat to the phone is a significant one. By establishing that it is all right to talk on the phone, you can learn much more about a person and what they are interested in. You learn how often they want to call you, whether they respect your professional life and perhaps whether you are more interested in them than they are in you. Again, this intermediate period should be short. Habits in relationships form quickly. The faster that you can bring the relationship to a more full interaction, the quicker you will be able to determine whether it will work in the long run.
Considerations
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There are many red flags that can come up during phone conversations. For example, if he gets angry or irritated when you call, it is a very bad sign. If he sets only tiny, specific times when you can call or be called, it's a sign that he may be hiding something from you, such as another relationship. If the other person brings sexuality into the relationship before you have met face-to-face, it's a sign that he is both sexually needy and insecure. Even if you feel mutual attraction, it is almost always a bad sign for the long-term health of the relationship when sexuality enters prematurely.
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Resources
- Photo Credit Brian Chu, Flickr
