About Sitting Shiva

Sitting Shiva refers to the seven day period of mourning observed by Jews following the death of a loved one. Shiva comes from "shi'vah," the Hebrew word for seven. This tradition was developed in response to the Old Testament story from the book of Genesis in which Jacob mourns the death of his father for a week.

Function

Shiva is traditionally observed by the seven first-degree relatives, including the mother or father, son or daughter, husband or wife, and brother or sister of the deceased. Grandparents and grandchildren are not required to sit Shiva, although they and other relatives may choose to participate. Jewish tradition dictates that the funeral is held within one day of death. Directly following, the family retires to its home to focus on remembering and grieving for the deceased. They also receive guests during this time.

Identification

Shiva is always observed at the home of the deceased, or at the home of the primary mourner, and assuming there's enough room, those sitting Shiva stay together in the home for the duration of the mourning period. Those in mourning do not participate in any outside social activities or work activities during Shiva, but if it cannot be helped, certain conditions allow a mourner to leave and return, as is possible. For example, a mother who needs to care for her young children may be excused for part of the time. Other specific circumstances may also allow a mourner to leave the home, as well.

Features

Certain rituals are followed within the home during the Shiva period. For example, mirrors are covered and left covered for the entire mourning period. This was originally in response to the belief that spirits could become trapped in mirrors. Today, the ancient practice is continued under the premise that mirrors encourage vanity, and Shiva should be a time of inner reflection. A basin of water is placed near the front door so that visitors can show their respect for the deceased by washing their hands upon entering. A special Shiva candle, which burns for seven days, is lit to symbolize life, and shoes are removed upon entering the home. Mourners and visitors go barefoot or wear soft slippers.

Effects

Friends and family members customarily visit the mourners as they sit Shiva. Though this can be a difficult time, comfort can be taken in the strong Jewish customs related to Shiva. When a visitor arrives, a family member generally greets him at the door and invites him into the living room, where he will be received by the principal mourner. The visitor may offer a handshake or hug, but should allow the mourner to speak first.

Considerations

If someone you know is sitting Shiva and you are unable to visit, you may wish to send a gift. While sending flowers and other material gifts to those sitting Shiva is discouraged by Jewish tradition, sending food is appropriate. In fact, the funeral is followed by "seudat havra'ah," the meal of consolation. This is a meal prepared for the family by their community of friends and neighbors. Since Shiva lasts seven days, many people send food-filled gift and sympathy baskets.

Resources

• The Stages of Jewish Mourning
• Leaving the House During Shiva
• More About Sitting Shiva