About Forgiveness
When someone does something to hurt you, it is human nature to want to get them back. But forgiveness gives the person who was hurt another option in dealing with the one who has offended them. Forgiveness literally means to "let go" or "to cancel a debt". Next time someone hurts you consider forgiving the person rather than retaliating against them.
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Function
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Forgiveness allows you to let go of the hurt that someone has caused you. It also allows you to release any negative feelings that you may feel towards someone that has done you wrong. When you harbor resentment or bitterness towards a person, your relationship may become strained, but once you forgive, the strain will go away.
Types
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Forgiveness can be applied to several types of situations in both business and in personal relationships. In business, debts or loans can be forgiven and in relationships individuals can be forgiven. In a 2007 article featured in the Journal of Psychology and Theology, Dr. Ev Worthington, a well known author on the topic of forgiveness, cited two types of individual forgiveness. These types are decisional and emotional. Decisional forgiveness is a willful pointed decision to forgive and emotional forgiveness is a process of replacing negative feelings with positive ones (see Resources).
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Misconceptions
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It is often said "to forgive is to forget," but this phrase does not encompass true forgiveness. If people pretend that a hurtful event did not happen, there is no way that a lesson can be learned or an opportunity presented for hurt feelings to be worked through. Forgiveness is also not an excuse for hurtful behavior or permission granted for someone to continue on with hurtful behavior. True forgiveness is letting go of the pain associated with the event and no longer holding a grudge against the person who hurt you.
Effects
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Unforgiveness can negatively affect your health. A recent article in the health section of the Los Angeles Times reported that researchers have shown that forgiveness can lower blood pressure, improve cardiovascular heath, decrease chronic pain and cure depression. Holding in negative feelings can also increase your stress level, which has adverse affects on your heath (see Resources).
Considerations
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Once you forgive a person for doing you wrong, you need to evaluate if you want to reconcile the relationship or if you'd rather keep your distance from the individual that has hurt you. If you wish to move forward with the relationship, it's important that you let the person know that their actions hurt you and that you have forgiven them. It's also important that you ask them to discontinue doing what hurt you. Doing so helps you set the record straight on how you expect to be treated in the future.
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