The Difference Between Forgiving & Forgetting

"Forgive and forget" is a common phrase that is often used when a person has been wronged by another individual. Forgiving somebody is not the same as forgetting what happened, though the two things are definitely intertwined. Many people confuse forgiving with forgetting (or vice versa), thus leaving conflicts and the ill feelings caused by the event intact. Once you can distinguish between the two, you will be able to fully forgive and forget and then move on with your life.

Features

Forgiving somebody means that you no longer hold anger or resentment toward a person who has offended or wronged you. Once you do this, you should resume the normal relationship you had with that individual before the event occurred. Forgetting is, of course, when you no longer remember what happened. This is the act of "letting it go" or "moving on." When you finally forget, you no longer associate the person with the offense.

Types

The most common type of forgiveness comes when you talk about the situation with the person who hurt you. Explain why you were offended and how you felt after the event. Hope that the person will then apologize. By accepting the apology, you will be forgiving that person.

Not all people need to talk things out to forgive, however. Forgiveness can sometimes be a mental thing. By simply hanging out with the person or giving him or her a hug, you are signaling that you have forgiven that individual.

Benefits

Forgiving a person and forgetting that that person did to you is the only way you can resume a normal relationship with that individual. Being able to do this is also a way to build personal character. Nobody is perfect, after all, and there will eventually come a time when you wrong somebody else. You'll want that person to forgive you and forget what you did when that time comes.

Forgiving and forgetting is important in most religions as well. For example, Christianity teaches that God will not forgive you for your sins if you cannot forgive people when they hurt you.

Misconceptions

Telling somebody "it's OK" or "we're cool" does not mean you have forgiven that person. Forgiving and forgetting are emotional acts that occur only when you're ready. Nobody can force you into forgiveness because you're dealing with human emotions such as anger and sorrow. You also haven't fully forgiven the individual until you can think of him or her without immediately remembering how he or she hurt you. Forgiveness never truly occurs until you forget the wrong that was inflicted upon you.

Expert Insight

Give yourself some time before you attempt to forgive and forget. Some people simply need to stew about a situation before they can start to forgive. Stay away from the person who hurt you until you feel ready to at least talk about the situation. You must have a short memory if you hope to sustain any meaningful relationships in life. Everybody makes mistakes and forgetting those mistakes is an integral part of being a good friend, significant other or spouse.