About Submission in Marriage

Submission in marriage is a subject that is only rarely discussed from the pulpit. Changes in society and changes in values are in part to blame for the topic being considered somewhat out of bounds today. Moreover, the feminist movement went to great lengths to suggest that submission was an outdated practice that is no longer germane to modern marriages. The foregoing notwithstanding, learning about submission in marriage is equal to rediscovering a fundamental Christian teaching that may quite possibly impact the way you conduct yourself in your marriage.

History

The idea of having the wife submit to the husband within the confines of marriage dates back to the times of Adam and Eve. Over time it has become misconstrued as a means of considering women inferior, removing a variety of their privileges, and also greatly hampering their ability to be self determining. This is not only unnecessary but also unscriptural. Instead, the primary submission is the submission of the Christian to God, and the secondary submission results from the first: the wife, for the love of Christ and in obedience to Him, willingly accepts her role of submission to her husband's authority. This is best illustrated in Ephesians 5:21.

Significance

By default, you must consider submitting to one another throughout the course of the day, but in the final analysis it is the husband who carries the majority vote. For example, you are thinking of making a major purchase, but you and your spouse have a hard time agreeing on the wisdom of making this purchase in the first place. The husband will know that in the end his decision will stand, which in turn leaves him with the responsibility for the failure, should the purchase prove to be unwise. It is therefore in his best interest to get his wife on board with the purchasing decision, to avoid the inevitable "I told you so." This is of greatest significance, since it proves that there are checks and balances at work in submission.

Warning

Misuse of the commanded submission leads to heartache and divorce; when the husband decides to rule the household with an iron hand and uses his wife to get his way, he is likely to encounter rebellion, retaliation and eventually also a divorce. You must be careful to not apply the spiritual concept of submission with a worldly mindset.

Features

When you decide to submit to your husband, you freely decide to curtail any actions you may take that would solely benefit you. Additionally, instead of feeling slighted and powerless, you choose to respect your husband at each turn. In practical terms, this means that as the wife, you respect your husband's financial decisions, just as you respect that it is his job to go out and earn a living in the first place. You are still supposed to know of everything that is going on and weigh in with your opinion, but in the end it is the husband who decides whether or not to take your advice.

Considerations

A vital consideration that is often left out of Christian counseling sessions are Paul's words in Ephesians, as they pertain to the husband. While the woman is to submit to her husband as she would submit to God, the husband is to die for her, just like Christ endured death for the benefit of the church. This does not refer to a literal death, but instead a daily death to selfishness and self-seeking attitudes and instead embraces an attitude of putting the wife and her needs first and his own second.

Benefits

Although it appears contrary, if you follow the model of submission in your marriage, you are actually freed from a number of problems that plague so many other married couples. The agreement of mutual submission---the wife to the husband and the husband to Christ's example---eliminates power struggles, secrets and selfish acts. It prevents tit-for-tat thinking and also greatly cuts down on independent actions by either party, thereby fostering an attitude of mutual decision making.

Resources

• Read a short summary about biblical submission at the MaranathaLife.com site.
• Learn how proper submission leads to greater intimacy at the MarriageIntimacy.com site.
• Check out a psychologist's view of marital submission at the Broadcaster.org.uk site.